last goodbyes
gah.
my head's pounding. must be all that crying & waking up in the middle of the night over the past few days.
my grandma passed away on sunday, and i couldn't get tickets back home as it's the "golden week" holidays... i.e. flights are fully booked.
i've never been close to grandma... otherwise known as ah po. she's my mom's natural mother, as opposed to the granny whom i've shared a room with for most of my life-- she's my mom's foster mother. it's a very long story... so maybe another time.
ah po... i see her on an average of 4 to 6 times a year... lunar new year, mother's day, her birthday, a cousin's wedding, or some other festivity.
i don't know ah po well... never heard stories of her past, never dozed off in her arms... but i know that when i look in the mirror, there are traces of her... the high cheekbones (not typical of chinese females), the deep set eyes (again not typical)... i had oft wondered if ah po had some caucasian blood in her, but never got the chance to ask her...
brother texted me on saturday morning, telling me that ah po is in critical condition in the hospital, and that i should pray for her. i called him right back, and i couldn't hold back the tears. granted i'm not that close to her, but still it hurts. she's my flesh and blood.
is she in pain? are her children with her? grandchildren? great-grandchildren? i felt so helpless, so lost. so i just dropped to my knees and prayed. i asked God not to let her suffer. if He must call her home, then do it gently. don't let her suffer. please don't let her suffer. just lead her home, gently.
and He did. on sunday morning, my ah po was called home to be with the Lord. i was told that she went peacefully. and amidst the pain, the tears, the heartache, i was glad that she went peacefully.
ah po was cremated today, and in a way, i'm glad i'm not there to witness the cremation. i wouldn't have been able to contain the grief. although i wish i had been able to say my last goodbyes to her...
goodbye, ah po... you'll be dearly missed...
maybe one day we'll meet again and you can tell me all the stories that i've missed out on...
my head's pounding. must be all that crying & waking up in the middle of the night over the past few days.
my grandma passed away on sunday, and i couldn't get tickets back home as it's the "golden week" holidays... i.e. flights are fully booked.
i've never been close to grandma... otherwise known as ah po. she's my mom's natural mother, as opposed to the granny whom i've shared a room with for most of my life-- she's my mom's foster mother. it's a very long story... so maybe another time.
ah po... i see her on an average of 4 to 6 times a year... lunar new year, mother's day, her birthday, a cousin's wedding, or some other festivity.
i don't know ah po well... never heard stories of her past, never dozed off in her arms... but i know that when i look in the mirror, there are traces of her... the high cheekbones (not typical of chinese females), the deep set eyes (again not typical)... i had oft wondered if ah po had some caucasian blood in her, but never got the chance to ask her...
brother texted me on saturday morning, telling me that ah po is in critical condition in the hospital, and that i should pray for her. i called him right back, and i couldn't hold back the tears. granted i'm not that close to her, but still it hurts. she's my flesh and blood.
is she in pain? are her children with her? grandchildren? great-grandchildren? i felt so helpless, so lost. so i just dropped to my knees and prayed. i asked God not to let her suffer. if He must call her home, then do it gently. don't let her suffer. please don't let her suffer. just lead her home, gently.
and He did. on sunday morning, my ah po was called home to be with the Lord. i was told that she went peacefully. and amidst the pain, the tears, the heartache, i was glad that she went peacefully.
ah po was cremated today, and in a way, i'm glad i'm not there to witness the cremation. i wouldn't have been able to contain the grief. although i wish i had been able to say my last goodbyes to her...
goodbye, ah po... you'll be dearly missed...
maybe one day we'll meet again and you can tell me all the stories that i've missed out on...
posted by insomnious at 11:39 PM
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