under the weather

darn. i hate being under the weather.

have spent the weekend being holed up at home and mostly in bed. :(

slept most of the afternoon, so now i'm having a bit of trouble sleeping... so i'm lying awake, with a dozen random thoughts zooming around my head... i'm wondering what the coming week will bring... and i wonder if i'd finally get what i've been waiting for...

but first, i've gotta get better! ugh!

it's complicated

it's been a long long time since i've last blogged. about 10 months?

i've been wanting to blog, but didn't manage to get round to it.

so why now? cos i need something to distract me before i send another sms that i shouldn't.

life is so transient, isn't it? things can be beautiful & rosy one minute, and everything can turn topsy-turvy in the next. just when i thought life is better alone, just when i've finally found the equilibrium i've worked so hard to achieve, a chance meeting changed everything.

when i was based in hong kong, i flew around pretty often. sure, i had fellow passengers make small talk to me, but it was just small talk, and no one sparked any interest in me. and then i started in my new job last december (yes, it happened many months ago) and i had to travel to kuala lumpur for training. and so on the shortest possible flight route from singapore to anywhere, i met someone.

and from then, it has been a roller coaster ride. and i'm feeling so drained.

why must life & love be so complicated?

maybe some day i'll blog about what went on... but not today...

what happens next?

what happens when you find out that the person who has always had a special place in your heart has morphed into this monster that you no longer recognise?

what happens when the laidback but harmless boy from ten years ago has mutated into this cold, unfeeling bastard?

what happens when you once again find yourself suffering the consequences of your own bad judgement? for the umpteenth time?

what happens when you can't seem to trust your own judgement or instincts anymore?

what happens when someone tells you straight in your face to 'get real' and not continue thinking that husbands & wives will always be faithful to each other?



i don't know what will happen next, but i do know that i'm still reeling from the shock of it all. that it's going to take a while to sink in. that this all seems surreal and like a bad dream. and i do know that what i learnt tonight has rocked me to the core and tore my heart apart.

leaving on a jet plane

i'm blogging this entry from the lobby of the hotel, while waiting for the time to come for me to catch the flight from san diego to LAX, from which i'd then catch the direct flight back to singapore.

it's been a week, and time has mostly been spent in the office & attending meetings where everything is brand new to me. i haven't decided if i want to make the switch back to the IT industry again, but this is an option. i guess new things excite me. i like learning new things, and probably because i do have a knack for picking things up quite quickly, teehee.

i guess i'll mull over this opportunity for a while, and try to straigthen out my thoughts of what i want to do. i know for sure that i'd still wanna dabble with my jewelry design, so i guess whatever i do for a day job would need to give me enough time to do that.

the weather here has been amazing, and i do wish singapore had such great weather. it's a great plus when i have good hair days everyday since it's not humid. haha.

well, for now, i can't wait to get home and catch up with my friends. jen is back for a week and i'd be meeting up with her & eileen on wednesday, and then there's the hen's night for jade on friday. think i should be meeting aug on sat, and then it's jade's wedding on sunday. hmm. sounds like a busy week! and i feel like a social butterfly!! lol.

ok, enough nonsense for now. gonna get ready. i'm leaving on a jet plane.

answers

i've gotten my answer. i guess i've known it for some time already, but just refuse to accept it. or i simply still hung on that glimmer of hope.

now that i've gotten my answer, it's time for closure.

time to move on...

a trip down memory lane

been spending the past couple of hours clearing out one of the columns of storage cabinets in my room. i thought it'd be a quick & easy task, but i find myself slowing down and going through the forgotten relics of my past.

autograph books from secondary school days, greeting cards & best wishes cards from yesteryears, photos, letters & cards from ex-boyfriends... this little journey down memory lane has indeed jolted the memories that lay dormant in my mind for the longest time. friends that i've lost touch with, places i've forgotten i've been to, crafts that i used to do.

i was going through this series of cards from an ex-boyfriend who used to send me a card (along with a pretty generous gift) on very 'monthly-versary' that we've had. as i re-read the words in the cards, i realized that sweet although the gesture may be, but the words mostly weren't his. they were written by quite a number of somebodys whose jobs were to write the most poetic, loving & touching words for greeting cards. i would much prefer words, however less poetic, to come straight from the sender. but oh well, i guess i couldn't complain. at least i got a card every month. bleah.

ok, now back to packing & throwing out junk again.

laters!

no place like home

after a year of ups & downs, i've learnt so much about myself, and i've also learnt to appreciate the very things i've taken for granted in the past. it has been an incredible journey, and i don't regret making the decision to venture out.

but now, i'm glad to be home.

seriously, there's no place like home. and i guess you've gotta be away for a while to really understand that.